Faster
by Starsky's Strut
Summary: Every silver lining has a dark cloud. Starsky's bad day just keeps getting worse.


All usual disclaimers apply, I don't own the rights, I don't get money and this is for entertainment only. Please excuse any errors; they are entirely mine.

**Faster  
**By Starsky's Strut

"FASTER! Drive faster pig or I'll plug ya!" The crazy man shrieked.

Starsky pressed down on the accelerator pedal, increasing their speed. The muzzle of his own gun was pressed into his temple. This was one of those days when he should have stayed in bed. He had known it the instant he when he had woken up this morning.

He had rolled over and nearly gave into the feeling. But nooo. Hutch was had been pissed off because they had been late for work three times already. Determined not to be late again, Starsky had set his clock for one half hour earlier. So he had gotten out of bed. His day had gone down hill from there.

He stripped and entered the shower, where he had dropped his soap and had nearly cracked his head open when he slipped on the bar after dropping it. Then he cut himself shaving. Then he had lost a couple of buttons off his favorite shirt. And his shoelace broke, disgusted, he had thrown the broken string across the room. It didn't go very far, not nearly far enough to give him any sort of satisfaction anyway.

He had gotten a coffee at his favorite fast food place; he set the cup down on the roof of his car to dig his keys out of his pants pocket and the brew tipped over when he opened the Torino's door. "Crap!" He flung his hands in the air and started off to pick up his partner. "What more could possibly go wrong today?" He snarled angrily as he stopped at a red light. Then someone -this crazy man- had jumped in through the open passenger side window and attacked him.

The man had pummeled him viciously with his fists and had quickly found Starsky's gun. Dazed by the blows and the suddenness of the attack, Starsky at first found it hard to focus on the man. All he could hear was the man screaming in his ear, "I am the egg man! Coo, coo ca-choo!" It was a line from his least favorite Beatles song. _'Oh the fun just doesn't end, does it?'_ He thought crankily to himself.

The egg man had stomped his foot on top of Starsky's and had begun his litany of "Faster!" Which was interspersed with the random directions and his war cry of "I am the egg man! Coo, coo ca-choo!"

Struggling to maintain some control over the powerful car, and keep the public safe as he attempted to get through to the egg man, Starsky had hollered at the crazy man "Fine! If you're the egg man, I am the walrus!"

"Coo, coo ca-CHOO!" The egg man whacked Starsky upside the head with the muzzle of his gun, but took his foot off of Starsky's.

The battered detective slowed the Torino, only to have the egg man scream "Faster!" at him.

"Look, it's morning traffic in Bay City. We can't go faster-" Starsky reasoning was interrupted by a single gunshot through the ceiling of his beloved Torino.

"F a s t e r" Egg man hissed as his pressed the hot barrel to Starsky's temple.

Starsky flinched in pain as he increased his speed a little. "Look mister-"

The barrel tilted up and another round was fired through his car's roof. "I AM THE EGG MAN!"

"Coo, coo ca-choo! Got it! You are the egg man! Please don't shoot my car anymore, please?" The hot barrel was again pressed to the already burned spot on his temple. He tilted his head away, only to have the man follow and press the spot again.

"Please, please me!" Egg man growled. "Drive faster!"

"Look Egg man, you know I'm a cop. We can go faster and not endanger people if I turn on the siren and put the mars light on top of the car, okay?" He flinched, expecting a blow or gunfire.

"The Streets of San Francisco!" Egg man nodded, a happy smile on his demented face. "Faster!"

Starsky had to puzzle that out. _'The streets of… oh, the cop show'_ He slowly reached down and flicked on the siren. He reached for the mars light, but Egg man slapped his hand. "Uhhh, how 'bout you do the honors, Egg man? Coo, coo ca-choo!" He added quickly.

"Coo, coo ca-choo!" Eggman agreed as he put the light on the roof and beamed happily at his prisoner. "You ARE the walrus!" He leaned back in his seat and nodded, the big grin still plastered on his face.

"Oh goody for me, I've always wanted ta be a walrus." Starsky muttered as he returned the smile. He heard another siren coming up from behind them and he knew things were about to get even more complicated. It had been tough enough maneuvering through morning traffic, narrowly avoiding accidents and pedestrians, all while having a mad man hitting him and shooting his car. _'Next time my gut tells me to stay in bed, I'm stayin'!'_ He silently vowed.

The Egg man looked over the backseat and spotted the black and white squad pulling up behind them. "FASTER!" He barked.

"Coo, coo ca-choo" Starsky rolled his eyes as he adjusted his grip on his steering wheel and pressed the accelerator down a little further. He wondered what Hutch was thinking as he glanced at the face of his watch_. 'That I'm late again, that's what he's thinkin'. Oh partner, you don't know how wrong you are. This time it's _really_ not my fault.'_ He glanced in the rearview mirror and spotted another black and white join the pursuit. Obviously BCDP knew something was up.

His eyes wandered to his radio. He needed to be able to talk, or at least hear what was going on around him. If the Egg man was such a fan of _The Streets Of San Francisco_, perhaps he'd enjoy listening to the police radio. He explained what he was going to do, but Egg man grabbed the mic and ripped it out, tossing it from the Torino. '_So much for that idea_.' Starsky thought glumly.

Starsky looked at the speedometer and then at the gas gauge. Plenty of gas and plenty of numbers left to go before he hit top speed. He had made his way to the freeway, the surface streets were too congested and Egg man didn't seem to care, just as long as they went faster. Of course the freeway wasn't much better, but morning traffic was beginning to thin and occasionally the detective would use the median to get by some of the heavier traffic snarls.

The Egg man took the wild ride in with a big grin. He was obviously having a very good time, as if this was the finest amusement ride in the world. He seemed especially fond of the bumpy, grass churning rides in the median strips. He would belt out the lyrics of "Hotrod Lincoln" interjecting the song with the ever-popular "FASTER, pig!" whenever they had to traverse it.

Bay City PD and the State Patrol were now escorting them, clearing the way and blocking off long strips of highway for them. Starsky had been able to communicate with the other police by using his turn signals, using Morse code for very brief messages. He was very grateful to whomever the cop was that figured out what he was doing with the turn signal. He'd have to shake the man's hand, provided he ever got out of this mess.

The joyless ride had been going for nearly an hour now and the Egg man was starting to act even more strangely. His behavior was increasingly erratic. He started randomly shooting out the windows while screaming, "I am the egg man!"

Starsky knew things were going to get really ugly, a few of the shots had narrowly missed him and his right eye had swollen shut from his earlier beating. He surreptitiously grabbed his seatbelt and buckled himself in. It was something he had never done before.

His only chance now was to stop the car. Roll it. His only chance at survival at rolling his car at this speed, was to be belted in. He quickly signaled with his blinkers the one word '_roll_' to tell the others what he was going to attempt and then looked for the best spot. The other squad responded '_ok_'. The brunet tried to slow the car some.

"FASTER!" Egg man shouted, firing yet another round, that bullet took a chunk of the steering wheel from between the cops hands with it. "You are the walrus!" He whacked the detective in the head with the butt of the gun. "Coo, coo ca-choo!"

There was a wide median area up ahead. Starsky knew this was it. He cranked the wheel hard to the left and the Torino went tumbling.

When the Torino stopped moving, dust hung thick in the air. Starsky was startled to realize he was still alive. He hurt, but he had been hurting before the roll. All he could think about was getting out of the car. He tried, but was trapped. He struggled for a moment, before figuring out he had his seatbelt on. He undid it and landed on his head. He bit back a groan and crawled out the window of the upside down car. He didn't get very far when someone grabbed him. He fought; sure that Egg man had him again.

"Easy Starsk, it's me."

Starsky wilted at the sound of his friend's voice. "What took you so long?"

"Had to figure out what the hell happened to my partner. He's late again." Hutch gave a low, relieved chuckle.

"Shut the hell up. I was almost permanently late. As in the _late_ David Starsky." Strong arms gently pulled him off the ground. He found himself pulled half way onto Hutch's lap. His partner began feeling his head and face and worked down his body. Too exhausted and beaten from his ordeal to do anything else, he waited for Hutch's verdict.

"Nothin' seems broken buddy. Aside from a black eye and some bruises, you're only missing part of your shoelace, couple buttons from your shirt, oh and you got a little cut on your chin. Not too bad considering the tumble you just took."

"Ha! Most of that happened before I met the egg man." Starsky grunted.

"Huh?" His partner's hand moved worriedly back to his forehead.

He pulled the hand down and squinted up, one eyed, at his friend "The guy who was holdin' the gun on me, called himself the egg man, from that Beatles song."

"Oh, don't worry about him. He was ejected." Came the quiet reply.

Nothing more needed to be said on the subject. The egg man was dead. Starsky nodded sadly until another though occurred to him. "Hey, I gotta find the guy that figured out I was using Morse code with the turn signals. D'ya know who that was?"

Hutch snorted, "It was me dummy. Heard what was goin' on, flagged down a unit and followed you. You didn't think I was gonna leave my partner alone on the streets, did ya?"

Starsky smiled. "Shoulda figured." He carefully got to his feet and started for one of the cruisers.

"Where are you going?" Hutch caught up quickly, falling into step beside him.

"I'm goin' home ta bed, the way my day's been goin', if I stay out here, m'liable to be hit by a meteor or somethin'."

**The End.**

**Author note:** This is based on a true event. A man was going to work when a crazed man smashed through his passenger side window into the driver's vehicle (a pickup, I think) The driver put on his seatbelt and rolled his truck to save himself from his attacker.


End file.
